It's been a Long, Hard Road...

Now that the final presentation has finally ended, in fact about a month ago, 28th January 2013, I have yet to really find time to settle down and think through certain things.

Ever since 3rd week of January until yesterday was mostly a blur of events, starting from my birthday week, till Final Design Review (FYP Final presentation), to free lancing for TDR, to Chinese New Year to Mother's operation, back to free lancing and University application and now, I finally got a chance to let go a sigh of relief. To think that in almost one month's time I am so packed, I still have other things to worry, of which my hands are just too full, I cannot carry anymore.

The opportunity given by Scott from The Design Icon, TDR, seems really exciting yet tiring at the same time, due to the nature of the work and timeline, at times I have to sit in front of my laptop for 12 hours, (of course with some breaks in between), it makes me think more about whether I want to continue the design path or not, on the another hand, because it is a project with short time frame, so it is so rushed, perhaps once I am more settled I will be able to leave my workplace at a certain timing and maybe OT once in a while rather than every other day.

I have actually applied for University application, to me, its a gauge to see if I can enter local U at all, although if I were to apply for certain course such as Arts with a lower GPA, definitely I will have a better chance, but still, it's an experience to try for something that I have always wanted to. Let's see the result in one month's time.

Although my original plan is to get into a job by late-March to early-April, it seems that I won't be able to really do so due to SPF project and another project, the yay side is that I can be better prepared should I go into Design related job field, get more contacts, get more industrial experience as compared to others with similar projects but no industrial experience. The nay side however is that it will be less efficient if I were to go into non-design related field, it might eat into my next year's plan, it also will delay my other plans such as studies and side lessons. 

The downside of looking for jobs is that I cannot be entirely truthful of my situation, since I am waiting to change into a different course, Lifescience, yet I can in Design means that I cannot really let people around me to know that Design is my "backup" plan to land a job faster, but I do think Design certainly had some beauty in it's job, but sometimes it's really exhausting and I am certainly not that one with solid interest, it's true that I came into this course because of my choice, but rather it's my lack of it, to land me into this kind of situation, but what to do, I can only change or integrate the field after I get my degree in biomedical science. That's why I think it's still quite far from my reach. Next year, hopefully, I can start my foundation course in MDIS, and hopefully I can actually move onto the degree course, which I will only know after 9 months.

And as of today, I am really sure that I STILL missed band and Trombone, A LOT! I am always thinking of these two, and very envious of those who are still part of one band that they are comfortable in going back to. For now, I do not have one, I am really tempted to try and find one that I do not need my own instrument and one that I can be really worry freed to enjoy music making. I am really letting go of NYPSO, it's been a tough time doing that, but it is certainly more difficult for myself if I do not do it. Sometime, it's like that, this is what Life can be. Even if I put in 100%, at the end of the day, I might not even see 10% of it's result, hopefully the future batch will at least try to show that I can step down already, so far I have yet to see anything concrete.

I am also really glad to be able to leave the school for good, for their system is really too screwed up. I am really beyond word at times, it pains me to see my effort go down the drain at such a crucial time, from the fact that NTU has removed "Material Engineering" from the "List of Relevant Degrees" for "Diploma in Industrial Design" right after I achieved the GPA to get in, is a tight slap on my face, to the school has reduced my hard work to get my GPA up to null, it's a joke to them, but certainly not to me, it may sound personal but it ruins people's life just because of them being unable to be impartial. I have sweared that I worked as much as how a person who is not so passionate about design can work, I worked part-time during my school terms, and I have joined a CCA, albeit is my interest, still I had managed to do it, and all these now become nothing because of them, just one grade killed my entire hard work, sounds really like a joke.

How do I ever let anyone truly understands my pain? Finally I can at least sort these horrible feelings I had since a while back, just before my final presentation when I had almost lost all hopes. Adding in the fact that mother had an operation recently, at least she is getting better now, before that I was a wreck inside, everything all pent up inside. Honestly I almost could give way, which I held on, if not I will not be able to finish my things. Now things are picking up a little, so I could at least give myself a pat on the back to have at least accomplished things albeit that's some ups and downs, here and there.

At the end, it's all boils down to all in a day's work.

The road so far... 2012

Its the last day of the year of 2012, duh! Its the first time I use mobile blogging, its an impulse.. (On a bus, on the way to meet Ivy)

This year is certainly quite an ok year, as usual, some up and some down.. But still better as compares to 3 years back.. Time flew, doesn't it? Although I say that every year, but the passage of time is not exactly flowing the same.. Some feels longer, some feels right.. Finally, I am at the last leg of my poly education.. I am glad and relief that the end is near.. I can finally move on and do my own things, and finally I can say that this route has ended, the past will be behind me..

I am really surprised by the changes that happened this year, whether its it good or bad, it's hard to really say until I can prove it.. One thing that I really came to realize, especially after my recent meet up with Mr Ong is self compassion (which I only know the term even more recently), my experience with my current band, NYPSO had indeed almost ruined my passion, of which most of the people around me either didn't really know or understand what has happened, which I cannot blamed if they're not directly part of this horribly orchestrated series of event.. That was the trigger, the last straw.. When we talked through it, he made me realised that all along I had the answers, which I am aware, I just didn't want to face it.. And he also drew my attention to some things that although I knew but failed to acknowledge.. Bottom line is that this year made me realised that people are indeed selfish, be it peers, people around you, even your closest friend and family, last but not least, thyself, everyone.. At the end of the day what matter is yourself, as in, what do you want to achieve, not those, the world only revolves around me that kind.. What you're willing to do, might not be what others are willing to give..

So I really learnt a lesson, some people can be so darn selfish that they are willing to ruin others just so that they can proof themselves, their stand, without any concern for others nor the situation.. At times I had wished that I am not so considerate towards the whole picture and just blow out on the spot to proved my point too.. What happened last time was damaging to me, albeit none physical, but still, made tremendous impact on certain aspect of myself.. At the end of everything, which I am glad that it kind of goin to end, at least at the end of the day, I finally can put things down..

When I turned 21 this year, it made me really face some decisions that I previously I hadn't think through and that's why I was in a situation that left me high and dry.. But I will manage, and things will sure have its sunny and it's rainy days, it's a new journey ahead, especially starting from March!

I have many things to look forward to, from getting a new job, to building my very first rig and to prepare for my very first overseas trip to Japan and Taiwan in 2014, it seems really far, but I am glad that I will have a chance to be there by my own effort!

It will definitely be a year full of changes, big or small, it's still inevitable, I will just have to take one step at a time!前進め!

Okay, so tomorrow I suppose to go out of Singapore...

Going Batam with Ivy, Siew Keng and Straven!

Honestly, I am a little more than excited I guess, since it's like eons (7 years) ago since I actually go on an actual trip, rather than a one day trip kinda thing.. So totally looking forward to getting massage and all.. My parents are kinda hyped up, cannot blame them either since they're naturally worried and Batam is not the safest place on Earth, still, for Gaia's sake I have to go out there eventually, moreover it's just a 3 days 2 night trip, plus it's not like we're wandering around.. But I do appreciate it..

Anyway, since I am done packing, I should really get some sleep soon, if not..

Hope I can take nice pictures on the trip! ^^

I start to think that buying yarn is like buying shoes (kinda), its never enough.. And the selections are tempting, when I see this, I feel like making hat, see that, it can be a bag, etc.. So yea..

I bought new yarn today! :D Although its a gift for others, but I am so glad.. Oh shit.. Haha..